I want to talk about the essence of Kintsugi, the spirit of Kintsugi, all the exciting things you could possibly explore, as well as some of the strange territory we may touch on.
This is a space for experimentation, and I take that really seriously. As you know from the first video, which I hope you watched, the one rule is that we use a safe word, and the safe word is AVOCADO. We have a safe word so that it's safe to practice all sorts of scary things, knowing that anything can stop at any moment.
This is important because of the territory we might explore. We might enter intense emotional territory or intense psychological territory. There are many topics that people explore at Kintsugi because it's scary to explore them elsewhere, where the stakes can be really high.
People explore things like sexuality, sometimes in a very flippant way. In the normal world, you don't always want to be flippant with your sexuality, although you might. But in Kintsugi, it's a space where it's okay to take things you may have hidden in the closet or only show to certain people, and gain more flexibility in working with them, playing with them, and feeling into them.
A common exploration is sexuality. Can it be okay for me to feel sexual arousal in my system when talking to someone? Does that bring up so much shame that I stop functioning? Can I experience attraction and still be a normal human being with you? This often means developing tolerance for that feeling in your own body, having comfort with it so you can still relate to someone how you want to, without being distracted or disoriented by your experience.
Because much of what we're doing falls into shadow work territory, we're often doing things that aren't comfortable for us or for others. Part of what you're opting into at Kintsugi is probable discomfort. Honestly, if you're not uncomfortable at some point, you're probably not stretching enough. This is a space where ideally you're touching the edges of your capacity so you can develop your relational range and ability to thoroughly feel and experience anything happening in a given moment.
This piece about comfort is crucial because many of us shy away from discomfort. Kintsugi is a place to become comfortable with our own discomfort because that's often where growth happens.
Some people use Kintsugi as exposure therapy because we break normal social norms. You don't have to listen to the person talking. Even if it's me, you can interrupt mid-sentence and we'll see what happens. It's really a space to play, get uncomfortable together, and try things that might be too edgy to try with partners, parents, or children.
Often when learning something new in relationships, it's not ideal to try it first in a high-stakes relationship. In this practice space, you can gather with people you never need to see again if you don't want to, and focus on your practice. To me, this is crucial for nourishing our ability to be in relationships in more healthy, adaptive, and responsive rather than reactive ways.
I’d love your support in sharing this with people who you think would benefit. If you’re interested in exploring these topics, join me for Kintsugi, a twice-weekly spicy relational practice online or explore a 1:1 coaching series with me (details here). Let’s connect—you can book a free 30-minute call with me here!
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